Both teams came out on the pitch, ten minutes before the referee was blown for kick-off, for the all-important warm-up exercises. It was during this period that we were able to size up the opposition, Titten Growper especially their new central rear forward: Anne Ticipation, who impressed our touchline staff with the way shy could wrap her ankle around the back of her neck whilst standing next to Old Feebletrousers as he made the necessary adjustments to his tackle to make himself ready to run – or, in his case, stagger – the touchline.
However, once our star player, Strom Thighhammer took the to the pitch, to the cheers of the Little Frigging Ladies Supports club, many of them dropping a stitch or two in their knitting as they caught sight of him standing erect in the centre circle, the Titten Growper newcomer was seemingly overcome by a desire to get to grips with him in the scrum as soon as possible.
She did not have long to wait, for as soon as the referee tossed the sex aids into the centre circle the Titten Growper central rear forward made a grab for Strom as he prepared to receive in the opposition penalty box with the Titten Growper chicken already on the verge of becoming bewildered.
The Titten Growper rear fondlers, though, were already bearing down on Strom when Anne Ticipation thrust herself forward and managed to get a firm grip on Strom's tackle as he was about to take one of the defenders over the line for the first orgasm of the first quarter of the second half of the initial period.
The referee was blown for a foul and the new Titten Growper player was red carded, forcing her to leave the field shame-faced for an early bath, quickly followed by Old Feebletrousers as he struggled to pull his loofer from his shorts.