Marmosets in the wainscoting can be quite an awkward thing to have to deal with, but – fortunately – it is not often a problem that besets rural folk to the extent it seems to plague city dwellers.
No, out here in the wild untamed lands far beyond any supermarket car park, where city dwellers fear to tread* we have far more dangerous infestations, but leaving Grand Uncle Stagnant to one side for a moment, less us move on to more savoury matters.
We have spoken** in the past of the use of fresh cream Cakes as an integral aid to a fully developed use of the perverted arts, but, Ah - I hear you say – what about the use of savoury items such as Cornish Pasties, Steak and Kidney pie, even the humble sausage roll?
All, of course, have their place in the true pervert’s repertoire, but – of course – with the proviso concerning the temperature of the items themselves and any accompanying sauce and/or gravy. A steaming hot chicken and sweet corn pie to the nether regions is not something that can be easily overlooked, even during the penalty shoot-out that often – these days – ends the latter rounds of the Inter-Village Orgy cup. As for hot tomato soup in the erogenous zones – this should be avoided at all costs.
So, by all means, experiment with these more savoury matters, but please exercise due caution and diligence. Remember it could be your dangly bits that end up in the steaming hot curry sauce.
*And not without due cause, I’ll have to admit. It can take a lifetime of practice to stride confidently across a field recently occupied by a large herd of cattle without hearing that discouraging squelch every third or fourth step.
** Well, I have spoken and you have listened with the rapt attention – eyes closed, mouth open, the gentle snoring - that denotes the truly attentive, hard-working, student.