Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Sex Weasel Spanners

It is not often that I write about my extensive - and rather enviable - collection of Sex Weasel Spanners, and today will be no exception. Frankly, the use of Sex Weasel Spanners is a matter best left to us experts, and I don't want to be held responsible for any misuse of these precision items, no matter how indirectly.

It is with mounting trepidation* that I see professional quality Sex Weasel Spanners on sale in DIY emporia. It takes years of training in a rigorous apprenticeship system - as well as a large vat of lubricating oil and a full set of grommets - to become an even halfway competent wielder of professional-quality Sex Weasel Spanners.

A weekend with an instruction manual half-arsedly translated from the original Latvian is - at best - going to leave the putative Sex Weasel Spanner wielder overwhelmed, or - at worst - cause extensive damage to their collection of Sex Weasels. Damage that - even if repairable - could result in a bill for several thousand pounds. However, more often than not, any attempt at adjustment of a Sex Weasel by an unqualified tinkerer leaves the Sex Weasel completely beyond any redemption, even by an expert as adept as me.

So, please, take my advice - learnt from years of experience in these matters - leave ANY adjustment of your Sex Weasel to us experts. It may seem expensive, but in the end, you know it is worth it, if only for your own peace of mind.

*As opposed to Mountain Trepidation - which is a feeling of slight apprehension when faced with anything greater than a slight hillock.

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