Thursday, March 12, 2009

Sexual Arousal Spatulas

It seems that everywhere these days one can walk into a shop selling anti-spanner lacquer for your electro-goat or gas-turbine weasel. Yet, only a few years ago even to make an enquiry for such a product would have been met with uncomprehending stares. Such is the rate of technological change these days.

In the past, years - decades - even could go past without even a slight change in the shape, design or functionality of your sexual arousal spatulas, or badger-pondering utensils. But now, these days, it seems that hardly a week goes by without some new device, redesigned with a new shape, extra functions or whatever hitting the market.

The question of who - if anyone - would want to have a pair of gardening wellies with integrated digital radio, cat grommets and the complete works of Dostoyevsky (read by John Prescott) on DVD, never seems to halt the stream of such products.

Only the other day, I received a catalogue offering non-stick weasel racquets with integral MP3 player, also featuring a laser hologram of the late Diana - Princess of hairdresser magazines - or, if preferred, former US Presidentialistizer G.W. Bush (successfully) masticating a pretzel, all tastefully finished in Day-Glo purple imitation velvet.

At last, I thought, someone has finally come up with a product that people actually want!

I ordered seven right away - one each for the whole of our village Weasel Affronting team.

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