Thursday, March 19, 2009

Undercover Wartime Perversions

So… anyway…. Well, as you know by now the leading underside edge of Grand Uncle Stagnant is not – these days – quite as inviting prospect as it was back in his heyday during the inter-war years when he was leading scorer in the Inter-Village Orgy League for twelve seasons in a row. It could – of course – been more seasons (becoming no doubt an all-time record) were it not for him being called up once WWII broke out.

However, once his basic training was complete, Grand Uncle Stagnant was selected for special undercover duties. After several months of highly secret and intensive training, Grand Uncle Stagnant was parachuted into occupied France. There he was ordered to help set up a secret French Inter-Village Orgy competition in an effort to assist the French to undermine and harass the German occupation. For it was felt, by the Allied High Command, that a surreptitious French Inter-Village Orgy league and/or cup would not only be a great boost to the morale of the French people during those dark days, it would also help tie up a great many Nazi resources as they attempted to counter the growth of such events.

Although, somewhat ironically, their uniforms were to become staples of the fetish gear scene, the Nazis themselves had far too little intelligence and imagination to explore the full possibilities of the perverse arts. Consequently, as they did not understand it – they – of course – tried to ban it. So, any Inter-village orgy league or sexual perversions cup would be seen as a hostile act by the Nazi High command in occupied France.

Soon, therefore, there wasn’t a city, town or even village in occupied France that did not escape a visit from the Gestapo’s Sexual Perversion detector vans. These vehicles had aerials so powerful that a trained operative could detect the surreptitious oiling of a weasel from over a mile away. It was even claimed that some experienced operators in the detector vans could identify an individual from the way he or she put on the costume of a traffic warden for erotic purposes.

This meant that the perverts of the French resistance had to develop a whole new style of orgiastical methodology somewhat alien to the typical French character. For not only did they have to keep their sexual activities secret, they had to perform them with a certain amount of alacrity somewhat counter to the more usual relaxed French style.

Initially, there was an attempt to continue with the slower paced French orgy, but to counter the threat of discovery by the Gestapo they were made mobile. However, not only was there a problem with petrol rationing, which made only short haul orgies possible, there was the danger of some of those involved in the orgy falling off the back of the lorry, especially when being chased by the occupying forces, and/or if the participants were well-oiled as in the traditional French manner. However, once America entered the war they were able to send over experts in high-speed perversions, production-line and drive-in orgies and fast fondling – which enabled the French to finally master the arts of high-speed perversions and fast enough orgies for them to evade capture by the Gestapo for the rest of the occupation period.

However, in the immediate aftermath of the war European perversions and orgiastical practice were in chaos. So, the European Orgy and Perversion Community (EOPC) was founded in 1951 (Treaty of Paris), by France, West Germany, Italy, Belgium, Luxembourg and the Netherlands to pool the orgiastic and perversion resources of its member-states.

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