Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Adult Education And Perversion

It sometimes happens that those who do not normally engage in the fully deviational lifestyle as a matter of habit* sometimes – just out of curiosity – feel they would like to try, sample or experience certain aspects of the perverted arts.

There is nothing wrong with this, even though those of us who have been perverts of long standing will – of course – tend to look askance upon anyone who does not fully appreciate the full aesthetic rigours and delights of the perverted lifestyle. However, for those who are not as familiar as those of us who gather here regularly for mutual edification (followed by fresh cream cakes and a nice cup of tea), the perverted life can seem bewilderingly complex.

Just by way of example, there are the vast array of traffic wardens, small furry mammals, tupping sheds, bondage restraints, the full and frank indulgence in double-entry bookkeeping, chicken-intriguing stances. These and many other forms of moist and naughty doings and activities feature only ever rarely - and then often only vaguely alluded to - in the Sunday Supplement magazines and lifestyle TV shows that are, these days, the main forms of edification for the general populace.

Of course, back in the days of yore (and mine), it was possible for those feeling they may have a perverted bent, or even those who just fancied feeling a pervert, to go along to their local adult education emporium and sign up for an evening class or two. Such things as: Traffic Warden Arranging, Introductory Nude Cream Cake Misuse, All Nude Chicken-Intriguing, stroking the underside of a double-glazing salesman and how to butter a librarian were all taught by, if not a local pervert of many years standing, at least someone who had seen a few pictures in a specialist magazine and had a fairly active imagination.

These days, though, government cutbacks and the changing lifestyles of the populace means that such Adult Education courses are now on the wane. This is – to (what remains of) my mind – a great pity. Some day in the not too distant future, by way of example, the All-England Lawn Perversions Association will be looking for the next generation of its International Orgy Squad, and there will be no-one even capable of attaching the ankle-restraints to a lightly-buttered social worker. But, by then it will be too late, and all of this hard-won expertise will have been lost.

*Or, indeed, in many other forms of clerical-style fetish gear, such as the surplice, dog collar or wimple. Or, for the adept, the God hat and God-Bothering stick as illustrated below.

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