Monday, April 13, 2009

The Great High Order of the Noble Wallaby Grouters

The Lord High Chief Baster of the Ceremonial Marmosets is resplendent in his high-visibility yellow stockings, suspender belt, and highly-polished green wellies. His sequin encrusted cape bearing the signs and signals of the Great High Order of the Noble Wallaby Grouters is draped across his otherwise naked shoulders as he holds the ceremonial wallaby grouting implements first high into the air, and then places them in their precise allocated spaces on the High Altar.

Then taking the catalogue from the magazine rack he begins to intone the day’s lesson from the Most Holy Book of Argos, before moving to the pulpit where he utilises the catalogue as the text for his sermon discussing the various merits of the toasters offered for sale by the Holy Argos.

Then we all sing the praises of the very latest female celebrity caught on photograph without the appropriate underwear for an evening out on the town, before we retire to the disrobing room to watch football on the telly.

Later we use the half-time break to concoct stories of charitable doings in order to mollify any post-ceremonial spousal interrogation as to our whereabouts on an otherwise free evening that would have been better suited to the completion of the household tasks she had helpfully suggested we undertake in the near future.

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