Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Ladies' Night

It is Ladies' Night in the Little-Frigging-In-The-Wold village hall this evening. So, as usual, all the ladies of Little Frigging will gather together in the village hall to discuss womanly things. Such things as knitting, cake baking and comparing the various merits and efficacy of a variety of sexual and marital aids brought along by our village nurse Pam Purring, who is also the local sales rep for Splodge & Sons (Purveyors of Marital and Sexual aids to the gentry since 1789).

As it was such a success at last year's Ladies' Night, the ladies have formally requested that our local blacksmith, Strom Thighhammer, repeat his cabaret performance to round the evening off.

Although, as the village council representative responsible for entertainments in the village hall, I have acceded to their request, it is with one proviso. I have made a strongly-worded request that the ladies do their utmost to refrain from - in any way - damaging Strom's volunteer village fireman outfit.

Last year, after his - by all accounts - stupendous performance, Strom's uniform was shredded way beyond repair by the enthusiastic response from the ladies in his audience. Strom himself had - apparently - to be carried home by four of the most enthusiastic ladies. They kept him there - confined to his bed - for the five days following the evening's event. Each lady in the village selflessly taking a turn ministering to him as he lay there bed-ridden, until they were all fully satisfied he could return to work.

Although, it must have taken quite a lot out of him. As Strom later confessed, he hardly had the strength to raise his hammer for at least a fortnight after his performance for the ladies.

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