Saturday, April 25, 2009

The New Official Weasel-Bewilderment Authority Helicopters

So, there it was, all spread out before us like a… a huge spread out thing. Then you said… well, whatever it was you said. Then, after a moment's cogitation of your wisdom, I nodded in profound agreement. Then we put our clothes on and came back home.

It is not often that we get such a memorable day out, especially in a place so… well, so much like you said. Personally, I couldn't have put it better - so I haven't.

Be that as it may, I see you have now adopted a stance of complete and utter helicopter indifference as the sound of whirring blades comes ever closer. Me, I find it hard to adopt a seemingly-innocent stance, especially when I am clutching a day-glo orange weasel cue with imitation purple velvet hand grips and lightweight racing pedals festooned with reflective strips intended for high-visibility weasel-cue wielding in low-light conditions.

Even though the weasel-bewildering season is now in full swing, I still find myself overcome with apprehension whenever the new official Weasel-Bewilderment Authority helicopters hone into view. Maybe it is because of the banning of foxhunting and estate agent immolation - both strong rural traditional pastimes, and the threatened outlawing of sniggering at the Welsh, but I fear for the future of more of our rural pastimes. You may laugh when people talk - late into the night - of many such things soon being made illegal, such as drowning witches, marrying your siblings, eating a Cornish Pasty in a manner likely to cause a breach of the peace, toenail-clipping hording, or watering your hairstylists with a garden hose.

But we all must remain vigilant. We have a government seemingly intent on imposing its own narrow and hollow vision of the way they want things to be, and - it seems - no-one who dares step out, or look beyond, those narrow confines is going to be allowed the freedoms, so hard fought for, and formerly so taken for granted.

It seems we are living now, in the twilight years of our former freedom and all the high-visibility clothing - with no matter how many reflective strips - will not be able to save us once we enter that darkness.

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