Monday, April 20, 2009

Quantitative Easing

There has been a fair amount of interest in the mainstream media over the last few weeks or so in the subject of Quantitative Easing. Now, for those of you who have not had the pleasure of grappling with this subject before, and are somewhat hazy about what it entails, Maureen has explained it to me (with the aid of some very expressive hand gestures), and so now – in turn – I can explain it to you.

Our village blacksmith, and volunteer fireman, Strom Thighhammer is the - very proud - possessor of one of these quantities in question, so much so, that he has to order special bespoke underwear in order for him to experience the comfort and security that us less fortunate males take for granted in the state of own nether-garmenting.

Now, it should not take too much imagination, especially amongst the ladies present, to realise that if one is fortunate to be the possessor of such above-average a quantity then it is incumbent upon one to exercise a certain amount of restraint. Especially over how one presents it to one’s partner, partners or putative partner or partners in any sexually-related dalliance one and one’s partner, or partners, are about to be engaged upon.

So, a thoughtful gentleman will always endeavour to ease his quantity towards the putative partner (or partners) in such a way that it doesn’t come as a complete shock to her, them, etc, forcing her to drop a stitch in her knitting. Or, even for them to stumble into and scatter the carefully stacked tinned goods across the supermarket aisle and disturbing the other shoppers as they go about their business.

Also, there is the problem of quantitative easing in a village hall orgy context, and just how much is polite? Of course, in the full orgy situation one’s putative partner may be otherwise engaged, for example a formal introduction may not always be possible as it is considered impolite to speak with one’s mouth full. Sometimes, in addition, it is not always entirely certain to whom various body parts belong, especially when people have been somewhat over-liberal with the oils and unguents. Therefore it is considered polite to be very slow, careful and gentle when easing in one’s quantity, especially any above average quantity, if only to avoid any sudden dangerous involuntary acts that may be caused by the too sudden introduction of a too large quantity all at once.

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