Last evening Grand Uncle Stagnant was slightly injured when the wheelbarrow in which he was being transported home from last nights All-Village Ladies’ Excuse Me village orgy was involved in an accident. The driver of the wheelbarrow, our local cake shop manageress Miss Fanny Knickerless apparently skidded on a damp patch just outside the door to the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage as she and Grand Uncle Stagnant were trying to enter the pub before the end of the post-orgy happy hour. It seems that Grand Uncle Stagnant was thrown from the overturning wheelbarrow and severely dented his ardour on the pub’s signpost. Miss Knickerless was, however, uninjured except for a slight bruising to her chocolate éclair.
Luckily, our village nurse, Pam Purring, was in the snug and with her expert ministrations, Grand Uncle Stagnant was soon upstanding once more, although his ardour seemed to have a slight incline towards widdershins. However, Pam Purring says that will soon right itself once he starts to take himself in hand again.
Our local policeman, PC Ghonnemadd was soon on the scene within less than a hour, but seeing that little remained to be done at the accident site he returned to his pint in the bar, muttering something about women wheelbarrow drivers. Unfortunately, however, the wheelbarrow was a total write-off… and the accident only damaged it even further beyond repair.