Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Drugs In Sport Scandal

As we approach the end of the winter Inter-Village Orgy season, the Inter-Village Orgy League Community was, last night, struggling to come to terms with the greatest shock ever encountered in living memory.

The scandal emerged from stunning undercover footage from the BBC's premier current affairs programme: People Being Naughty, which shockingly revealed Little Frigging-In-The-Wold's star Inter-Village Orgy player, Strom Thighhammer, engaged in highly illegal acts of llama-sniffing.

If found guilty by the sport's ruling body, the IVOLA, Thighhammer could face an unprecedented ban of as many as three Inter-Village orgies in both league and cup, even - possibly - missing Little Frigging's opening European Orgy Cup match against the German Orgy Bundesliga Champions, Gotterdammerung Achtung, early next month.

The footage from the programme clearly shows Thighhammer illicitly visiting zoos, wildlife parks and llama farms throughout the country, and often in the company of other alleged camelid snorters, to engage in the sordid practice of sniffing llamas, a practice often used by leading orgy players feeling in need of an artificial pre-orgy match boost.

At a hastily convened press conference last night, a visibly shaken and repentant Thighhammer apologised for his misdeeds. The Little Frigging team doctor, Dr. Minnie Strayshuns, issued a statement stating that Thighhammer was receiving treatment for his llama addiction. The treatment weans the patient off llama sniffing by substituting the llama with a weaker substitute. Consequently, Thighhammer will be allowed, under strict medical supervision, a brief 5 second snort from a pair of sheepskin driving gloves every alternate day, thereby gradually reducing his dependency.

The Little Frigging Orgy team statement went on to say that Thighhammer had the full support of all the Little Frigging Orgy team, coaching staff and management. Not only that, it seems that the ladies of the Little Frigging village have all vowed to take Thighhammer in hand to assist him through this difficult time, and to assist in his pre-orgy training in any way they can, thereby easing him into his return to full competitive orgy participation once his ban from the sport has ended.

Post a Comment