Thursday, May 21, 2009

Field Perversions – An Introduction

Well, here we are again, aren’t we?

Aren’t we?

Oh, right….

Well, we’ll give it five more minutes and if they aren’t here by then we’ll just have to start without them. Although, with so many of them missing there will be several Indifferent Badger satellite location devices to spare. So, if any of you without a wheelbarrow and/or a partner or assistant with expertise in your particular perversion or deviation then I’m afraid you may have to consider pooling your resources and coming up with a group perversion that you all feel comfortable enough with. However, lubrication and/or devices will have to be requisitioned before we set off, as they cannot – obviously – be provided once we are in the field.

It would also be a big help if any of you who are experienced with hands-on tent erections could attach yourselves to the novices in order to give them a pointer, if required. In addition, those of you familiar with the lightweight and collapsible camping sex spatulas and other such field perversion devices will be invaluable in showing the newcomers how to set up their perversion devices once out in the field, especially the use of the foot pump for the donkey.

One last thing, before we set off, please make sure that you oils and unguents are securely fastened to your perversion utility belts, as we do not want to cause an environmental damage as we make our progress across the landscape, such as leaving behind us an inadvertently semi-lubricated sheep without a shepherd there to take full advantage of it.

Oh, and make sure your sex utensils are in a waterproof covering, in case of rain.

Right then, off we go.

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