There is not much to be said, except that on a fine early spring morning like to day, one can begin to feel the sap rising and there are stirrings in the undergrowth. In the sharp cold air of the early mornings as the sun rises little buds can be seen bursting out all over the place, especially on the chests of the herds of hairstylists as they make their way across the fields and down to the beauty sheds. Once safely ensconced in the beauty sheds they will spend several hours of the morning in there preparing and preening themselves in order to face the day.
Then they have to make their way across to the dressing shed where they will spend many more hours deciding what to wear. An experienced free-range hairstylist breeder will know to make himself scarce during this period in case his advice is asked, or even worse if he foolishly dares offer any advice. Many a hairstylist herder has been brought almost to the brink of ruin by advising his hairstylists on what they should wear, or even worse telling them the truth when they ask him how they look. Being a practical person they farmer will – of course – suggest clothing suitable for the season, time of day and prevailing weather conditions, some young and inexperienced ones have even suggested wearing proper boots or wellies suitable for wear in a heavy soiled field.
Such mistakes are only ever made once. I can only tell you this, it is not a pretty sight seeing the remains of a farmer after he has caused his hairstylists to stampede. Especially if they have worried and trampled him – some of those high heels have very sharp points, and to be savaged by a razor sharp set of recently manicured and polished nails will – if you survive - leave scars that will last a lifetime – and not only on the body. A visit to a home for retired or mentally-damaged hairstylist herders is – indeed a very sobering sight. Especially if during a moment’s inattention one of the nurses or carers inadvertently leaves the TV on during an advertising break and the assembled retirees accidentally suffer the trauma of a hair care product advertisement. The pitiful wailings and screams can be heard from miles away.