Friday, May 15, 2009

The Instinctive Dread Of Lawyers

Of course, easing our way past the lawyer sties as they busy themselves suing each other for various real or imagined wrongs we can make our way out into the swamp towards the rear of the lawyer sties. Out here of course is where the young tad-lawyers feel most at home in the fetid miasmas that many ancients used to believe were where lawyers were created. Back in those far off days no-one had ever seen lawyers mating, so it was assumed that they arose out of the very airs of the swamps.

Of course, back in those days too, mothers used to caution their children against playing near any swamp and its all too real dangers by warning the children - with their natural, almost instinctive, fear of lawyers - that the lawyers would drag them off if they ventured too near the swamps. The adults would say that if the children were not careful and got too close, then the lawyers would rise up out of their swamps and grab the children, taking them away to become articled clerks and other such fearsome nightmares of the childhood imagination. Many a child was regaled with horror stories of how lawyers had risen up out of the swamps and captured children, taking them off to be Solicitor’s Clerks specialising in Property Conveyance and other such unbearable horrors.

These days though, through the innumerable nature programmes on the TV, we have all become far more familiar with the lifecycle of the lawyer, and some have even claimed arriving at a sort of tolerant almost-fondness for these still very alien creatures. Children are no longer told the tales of how lawyers will carry them off to a life of horror, servitude and legal documentation and so – it seems - they are less terrified of these creatures than the children of earlier more superstitious times.

Still, though, in the dark heart of the night, who knows what shadowy creatures are creeping through the minds of children when their thoughts turn towards the dark arts of litigation?

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