It sometimes happens that all of your sex weasel grommets have not survived the deprecations of the winter weather without some damage, especially to the delicate, but all important, underside leading edge where they seat up against the manifold flange adaptor on the undercarriage of your sex weasel when it is in the ‘at-rest’ or safe position. As most of you ought to be aware, this will lead to a certain loss of ardour when you attempt to use your sex weasel in any heavily-lubricated session with a brace – or more – of librarians and/or florists. This is true especially when the quantity surveyor in the day-glo thong is placed widdershins, parallel to the ten-yard penalty area of the standard (European) orgy pitch.
The luminescence of the thong too can sometimes be problematical, especially in the early days of spring when the evenings are not quite as light as they are in the heady days of summer, when an outdoor orgy can go on well into the night-time hours, sometimes even past opening time and into the mid-evening television schedules. So it does help to check that you have set your TV recording device of choice before setting off to the orgy.
A word of advice, at this juncture, it is also now wise to check that your sex weasels are securely fastened into their leads and harnesses before you set off to the orgy. This is because a new EU ruling came into effect at the beginning of [April] 2009, making it an offence to have an unsecured sex weasel when not engaged in an orgy - or other sexual encounter - whilst on a main thoroughfare. A somewhat unnecessary ruling for this country, most of us would argue, as the English sex weasel is a far different beast, much more placid and even-tempered than the much more temperamental and capricious European Sex Weasel. But that is by the by, the law is the law – except if you are a member of parliament, of course, where – it seems – obeying the law is often negotiable.