Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Hairstylist Mutterer

It seems that Stoatbeliever Applesauce is the name on everyone's lips here in the heart of wild hairstylist country. He has become known as the 'Hairstylist Mutterer' for his seemingly supernatural and uncanny ability to tame and then control these skittish creatures. For hundreds of years now humankind has had a strong - but often uneasy - relationship with hairstylists. They are a necessary - even, at times, essential - creature for most people to deal with, but - it seems - few of us are fortunate enough to be able to communicate with them in such a way as to get them to do our bidding. All too often people come away from their encounters with these creatures with a hairstyle that is unsatisfactory in some way.

It seems that Applesauce's secret, as far as it can be deduced, is to engage with the hairstylists on their own level. To see him work with a partially-trained hairstylist is an education in itself. For example, when the hairstylist begins to speak of holidays, Applesauce doesn't just make the usual vague noises of semi-irritated assent, he actually mutters back about his own holidays, those he has recently taken and those he is planning to take. The effect on the once-skittish and nervous hairstylist is amazing to behold.

There has been a long - and seemingly unsuccessful - attempt by the hair products industry to get ordinary people to take notice of the myriad of hair products on the market using all sorts of techniques from pseudo-scientific hogwash right through to the mindless prattle of 'celebrities' seemingly only famous for having very shiny hair capable of moving in slow-motion. All of these products, though originally intended to lessen the trauma of hairstylist/human confrontations by enabling people to 'take control' of their own hair maintenance arrangements, has only served to widen the gap between hairstylists and their customers, often to a point of mutual incomprehension.

But, until the arrival of Applesauce, no-one has ever really tried to understand these strange hairstylist creatures and their often uneasy relationship with the human race. So, if Applesauce's approach is right, then there will be no more need for the seemingly endless parade of advertisements for even more unnecessary - and increasingly absurd - 'hair-care products', instead humanity and hairstylists can - at long last - learn how to communicate properly with each other and hairstyle disasters will then become a thing of the past.

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