I am shocked, humbled, pleased - and slightly aroused – to announce formally that I have been made Emeritus Professor of Applied and Theoretical Orgiastics at the University of Little Frigging (formerly the small cowshed at the back of Trouser-Quandary farm). This will enable me to pass on to a new young generation of putative perverts and deviants all that I have learn, speculated wildly, and sometimes completely invented about the wonderful varied - and hopefully, moist - world of perversion, especially in regard to the more theoretical aspects of the Orgiastic Arts and sciences.
The rapid expansion of higher education in recent years has been decried in some quarters as a dilution of what was once a very high standard of education with lots of what are sometimes called ‘Mickey Mouse’ courses. However, we at the University of Little Frigging are determined that none of the courses we will be offering – once the old cow shed has been swept out – could ever be called ‘Mickey Mouse’ courses. This is:
A/ Because we cannot afford the legal fees for any dispute with the Disney company and their notoriously rapacious lawyers.
B/ Because ‘Mickey Mousing’ is not really what any of would call a bona fide perversion, certainly not up there with Dogging, Weasel Encouragement, Chicken Intriguing, Surreptitious Badger Under-Handling, Sheep ‘Husbandry’ or any other animal-related deviation.
Having said that, however, there have been some intriguing studies done on cartoon-related perversions, such as: The Simpsons Disparagement, The Daffy Delight, The Scooby-Do, The Donald Duck and Cover and – of course – The Bugs Bunny Surprise Carrot Undertaking, which may in the future make it possible for such deviations to be studied at an academic level. However, until they are placed on a more robust theoretical footing, I feel my studies of the nude Marge Simpson, and the erotic possibilities of a deviation involving both Jessica Rabbit and Wilma Flintstone, and a jar of honey will have to remain a private study area of my own.
Of course, as the new academic year approaches I will do my best to inform you of all the new courses we will be offering at the University of Little Frigging in the hope that you will all seriously consider widening and deepening your knowledge of the perverted arts and sciences at our institution.