[Dedicated to @oleuanna]
Now then, it seems that some of you have not filled out and returned your application forms for this years annual weekend trip to the Naughtie Islands. As you know every year, we here at Little Frigging organise a charabanc trip to the Naughtie Islands for one of their Infamous Perversion Weekends at Castle Frottage, on the coast of Loch Munch on South Naughtie Island.
There we can all take part in a full weekend of role-play games of fully-immersive perversions, and we don’t even have to provide the cream cakes, or even the ladle.
Although, those of you who do sign up for the trip would all be best advised to pack your own bespoke sex spatulas. Unfortunately, those provided on the premises at such events – not matter if even with the best intentions and if they have been properly serviced by a fully-qualified and accredited Sexual Perversion Devices Engineer - are never a match for those one has grown familiar with over the years. It would be a great shame too – especially if that is not the sort of thing you are into – to go all that way and find that one’s facility-provided sex spatulas are slightly out of balance, or tend to aim a little lower than one’s own bespoke brace of spatulas. Such a situation can – of course – play havoc with how the assistant librarian can be correctly sited in relation to your fully-restrained social worker, especially if she is wearing the fetish wellies and peep-hole top hat.
Later our village blacksmith, volunteer fireman and leading Inter-Village Orgy scorer, Strom Thighhammer will demonstrate the tossing of his caber for the delectation of the local ladies present. No doubt, afterwards, many of those same ladies will be queuing up for a mouthful of Strom’s famous hot porridge fresh from the man himself.
On the second day of the trip, there will be an excursion to some of the most famous Highland perversion sites in the area. This will include a visit to Banachanachanacholeekie, the place where the famous Scottish pervert Jock McMacJock first used the kilt to arouse a wee lassie, allowing her to fondle his sporran in the nearby burn.
In addition, if time allows, there will be a visit to a free-range haggis farm. Where, for a small fee one can spend a few hours in the privacy of the barn with the free-range haggis of one’s choice, with a full range of optional traditional Scottish fetish gear (including some wild bagpipes, if in season, and some well-lubricated neeps and tatties) for a nominal extra charge.
All-in-all then, it is a trip not to be missed, so please book early to avoid disappointment. The Charabanc will leave from outside the snug door at The Pervert’s Appendage at 9 o’clock sharp on the Friday morning (That is if our driver for the day, Old Feebletrousers, has sobered up enough, from the night before, to find the steering wheel with both hands.