Once there was a time when this was all fields. It is now – still – all fields, so I’m sure you get my point, or – at least – you will do once we get down to the open-air perversion pitch.
Although, this may seem like some rural idyll, full of Arcadian delights involving all manner of perversion and sexual deviance between Shepherd and shepherdess, man and maid, social worker and quantity surveyor – or even only those dressed up as such, sometimes this too can be a place of woe and disappointment. Why only last week the landlord at The Pervert’s Appendage somehow managed to run out of pork scratchings before the evening was less than halfway through.
Normally this would be a matter of only brief consternation, but that night was a special Inter-Village Fetish Dominoes night between Little Frigging and a team from The Queen’s Gusset in Greater Spadgecock. So, you can envisage the problems when it came to the all-important Light Bondage Dominoes Final, whereupon the lack of pork scratchings – as you can well imagine – came close to creating a catastrophe of the first water.
Fortunately, an emergency drop of Melton Mowbray Pork Pies by the RAF’s crack Emergency Snack Foods helicopter squad from the nearby airbase managed to salvage what was left of the evening.
Luckily too, with the catastrophe thus averted, the Little Frigging team managed to win the Light Bondage Dominoes final with a last minute double-four and a semi-intrigued mallard duck trussed up with a silken rope tied with a reef knot.