Monday, July 27, 2009

Sports-based Perversions

For those who like to keep themselves fit, the perverted lifestyle offers many advantages over the more mundane existences of many other less… er… experimental folk. From even the most simple of exertions, say a daily workout using all the available perversion apparatus and fetish exercises available in even the most modestly-equipped village hall right up to some of the sports-based perversions, the perverted lifestyle is an excellent way of keeping fit and healthy.

From such straightforward sports such as football, one can master the rudiments of ball control. The use of the wicket keeping gloves in an erotic context can be gathered from even the briefest acquaintance with the game of cricket. The best methods of wielding a brace of sex weasel racquets can be learnt from tennis. The rugby scrum can provide many invaluable lessons for use in a village hall orgy context. Even the use of the nibblet and mashie in golf and the importance of wearing the correct flippers when swimming, shows that every sport, and tennis, can be used to enhance once enjoyment of, and participation in, the perverted arts and sciences.

Of course, the most obvious sports-related aid to the perverted arts is Рit almost goes without saying Рthe use of the offside rule from football. There is Рit seems - hardly a village orgy in the land that does not, at some point in the proceedings, have recourse to this finely-honed piece of sports legislation, especially if it is deemed that the postmistress was not interfering in the course of play when applying the lemon m̩nage to a brace of under-gardeners in the vestibule.

Therefore any putative or even well-seasoned (especially with a vinaigrette dressing) pervert should not dismiss sport as an irrelevance to the perverted arts and sciences. Do not allow any P.E.-related trauma from your schooldays, or even any unwarranted espying of Jimmy Hill during an erotic encounter, to put you off. For as Maureen, my good lady wife attests, there is nothing quite so invigorating as sharing a post-match bath with one’s local rugby team, especially when helping to search for the soap.

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