Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Suburban Perversions

Those of you who reside in more suburban areas may tend to partake of some of the less rural perversions. For example, there are in this great country of ours many devoted practitioners of garden perversions such as Full-Frontal Trellising, Group Patio-Laying and The Basting A Shop Assistant With Barbeque Sauce. There are many denizens of the suburbs who, when the longer summer evenings come, around enjoy a bask in the herbaceous borders with an assistant librarian or who even – should the prevailing winds allow – enjoy quick mixed dip in a paddling pool filled with lukewarm custard, before a vigorous towelling off with the veterinary assistant of their choice.


Of course, in many suburban or, even, urban gardens the easy availability of wheelbarrows makes the garden orgy much more popular than they used to be, especially now that patio heaters are much more commonplace. Now that most barbecue set also include sex spatulas and fetish mittens there are opportunities for some city dwellers to engage in perversions that were in days of yore mainly confined to the landed gentry. Even such deviations as the now infamous Squire And Scullery-Maid, or The Butler’s Excuse-Me, or – possibly - even utilising a watermelon in a way that would have been regarded as completely beyond the pale in the days before local government re-organisations of the 1970s, are now all much more commonplace in our city and suburban garden orgies.

All in all then, there is much to commend the garden orgy to the putative suburban or urban pervert, providing – of course – the gentleman exercises caution around the barbecuing sausages and the lady is careful where she places her baps.

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