Thursday, August 13, 2009

Essential Village Hall Maintenance

Now there are times when your chiropodist restraining devices are a tad on the short side, and you need new batteries for the stockbroker intriguing prods. Never mind though, there are plenty of spares kept either in the devices cupboard at the rear of the village hall, or ready and waiting on the dildo rail that runs all around the edge of the orgy floor.

It is quite remarkable how the village hall has evolved over the years to cater to the needs of all village indoor orgies. This is especially true in such all-important details as the well-polished flooring, carefully tended and kept to make sure there is never an errant splinter that could distress your postmistress at the crucial point in proceedings. It is vital, also, to make sure there is not even a discarded wad of chewing gum, or somesuch other egregious and unthoughtful discarded matter to interrupt your cake shop manageress in full flow.

The village hall itself should always be large enough to accommodate an all-village orgy, without enough room to prevent the accidental entanglement of the participants. Although, in some orgy situations - as well as such perversions as the Bridlington Huddle and the ever-popular Postman’s Heap - such random entanglements are to be encouraged. Therefore, it is important that whilst the hall should be large, it should not be too large, unless well-equipped with fetish unicycles, a brace of pogo-sticks, or some pole-vaulting equipment.

The village hall orgy management committee should also ensure that there be plenty of room for seating the audience in comfort too. Making sure that the audience seating is not too far away for them to able to appreciate some of the finer points of the action in such subtle orgy-related perversions as the Askance Mallard Duck and Compromised Newspaper Editor, especially when appreciating the finer points of the bowler’s fingering technique from across the other side of the orgy hall.

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