Thursday, August 27, 2009

Little Frigging Life Modelling Classes

Strom Thighhammer is not only Little Frigging’s blacksmith, head volunteer fireman and the leading penalty fondle scorer in the history of the Inter-Village Orgy League, he has now become, due to popular demand the model for the Village Ladies’ life modelling class.


Even the bargains offered by Splodge & Sons (Purveyors of Marital and Sexual aids to the gentry since 1789) in their latest catalogue are beyond the reach of many during these straightened times. Therefore, the ladies of the village got together after their last Ladies’ night and decided that they would look into the field of home-made devices. This field lies just half a mile widdershins of my own upper lower pasture (not to be confused with the lower upper pasture where the free-range hairstylists sunbathe and graze on fresh glossy magazines during the long summer months).

However, after sorting through the pile of broken devices in the home-made devices field, the ladies found none worth repairing and sorted the remnants into the various sexual devices and marital aid recycling boxes provided for the purpose by the Upper Thyghspreader county council*.

Anyway, the ladies decided to set up a class to make their own DIY devices, and after only 37 seconds debate they decide they would all like Strom to be the model around which they would base their endeavours.

Consequently, after the seventeen lorry-loads of modelling clay had been delivered the ladies set to work with an enthusiasm not witnessed in the village since the Little Frigging Women’s Institute managed to corner a troop of itinerant male strippers in the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage for three days during one of last winter’s power cuts.


*this of course is a result of the EU wide Sexual Devices Disposal Directive of 2004, where the UK is singed up to recycle at least 80% of its discarded or broken sexual and marital aids by 2015. The EU itself hopes to become self-sufficient in such aids and devices by 2020, although, as some critics have pointed out, most of these devices are intended to make their user self-sufficient anyway.

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