Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Shed-Based Perversions

No modern home, especially out here in the rural areas of England, is complete without some sort of outbuildings. Here in the countryside we have all manner of such constructions, from the mighty hairstylist sheds and hay barns right down to the lowliest of lawyer sties out near the swamp.

The urban and suburban dwellers sometimes may sometimes have a garage, but most do have a shed, or shed-like outbuilding. This is fortunate indeed, for what would modern life be like if there were no such thing as shed-based perversions. Even such basic dalliances as The lawnmower Intrusion or The Rake And Hoe would be rendered - at least - problematical without a shed.


The shed also contains many of the necessary ingredients for many other perversions, of course. No shed is complete without a large selection of wood off-cuts that ‘may come in handy someday’ a jar of assorted nails and a half-empty tin of creosote, which may bring a warm smile of recognition to many of you (both) gathered here, especially when combined with some part-used sandpaper and a suitable length of doweling.

Of course, the shed is very useful for storing the necessary items of equipment for the fully-perverted lifestyle, but it can also be pressed into service as a place of dalliance itself. Although, any large orgy of a dozen or more would probably be out of the question, unless you moved the various half-empty tins of paint slightly to the left, of course, as well as making sure that the watering can is within easy reach should the situation call for it. It may also entail leaving the shed door slightly ajar to enable slightly more elbowroom for the orgy participants, especially if partaking of some of the more advanced perversions that entail the use of the wheelbarrow and a section of trellising.

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