Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Inter-Village Orgy test Match Tactics

The Intemperate Bridgenorth Shuttlecock Deviation is – as those of us with hand-tooled fetish racquets well know, quite tricky to perform directly into a head wind, even if the librarian is holding the weasel correctly. However, a trick I picked up whilst on tour with the Little Frigging Inter-Village orgy team, is to make sure the quantity surveyor is well behind the halfway line before buttering the scones.

I’m sure you will now be able to see why the tin of anchovies is then so vital, without me having to sound overly patronising with a superfluous explanation.

Now, then, I think we can move on and discuss more advanced tactics, without being too distracted by such mundane and straightforward tactical manoeuvres as that outlined above. The librarian will – of course – be very familiar with any First Folio And Cream Cake Underarm Application, almost as a matter of course. But it may be worth your while to consider how just a dab of weasel-spleen oil on the underside edge of the choirmaster.

This may leave the librarian less able to concentrate on the vicar’ surplice just long enough for you to make liberal use of her cataloguing system for your own ends, thus allowing your centre fondler a clear run at the chicken, thus surprising it while it is still quite intrigued by the antics of the librarian and choirmaster. This is especially useful as a surprised chicken – or two, if you are very lucky – is often just enough to win an Inter-Village Orgy league match.

This is especially significant if the two sides have been evenly matched during the earlier seven quarters and you are running short of cream cakes just as the umpire is blown in the bad light when confused with the groundsperson in charge of the floodlights.

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