Friday, September 4, 2009

The Judicious Use Of The Watering Can

The watering can is – of course – an essential allotment-based perversion accessory, without which no horticulturally-inclined deviant should be without. It should be as essential as keeping a firm grasp on your dibber during the vital latter stages of the Beetroot Machinations, or any other similar fresh vegetable-related dalliance.

If your allotment-based perversions are, by way of example, taking place on a light or sandy soil, then it is essential to keep your cake-shop manageress well-lubricated through the judicious use of your watering can. This applies especially if she is dressed in the traditional t-shirt for such perversions as the Under-Gardner And Chiropodist, the Celery-Surprise, or even, if the perversion allotment is frosty, The Sweet-Pea and muffler Over-Mitttening.

However, on such cold and frosty mornings, it is best to be very careful about the use of the watering can, especially if your perversion partner, or partners – or, in cases such as the Dandelion And Burdock, your assistants – will not take kindly to a severe moistening in such temperatures. After all, unless you are that way inclined, you would not wish to have your dibber inserted where the sun doesn’t shine, especially on a North-facing allotment.

As for the use of a watering can with any early crop of spring onions, we’d best leave that for another day, especially if you are considering using them in the near vicinity of an assistant librarian, or two.

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