There has been some concern expressed during village council meetings about the use of cheese during the midweek evening orgies in the village hall. There has been some talk of the illicit use of Wensleydale during the later part of the evening, and even rumours that there were telltale Double Gloucester stains on some of the perversion benches at the back of the hall. Now, we have not had an outbreak of cheese fetishism for several seasons, in the village now and there is genuine fear that we may be facing another outbreak.
Of course, in the usual run of events there is nothing wrong with the use of cheese in an erotic context. I have myself, by way of example, spend many an evening with a fully-consensual Stilton, or even – in my younger more radical student days – a Red Leicester.
However, cheese can be exert a powerful effect on the human mind, and using it during the heady excitement of a full-on village orgy is to court disaster. After all, we all remember the great cheese riots of the 1920s and what happened outside the American Embassy in 1968 when some headstrong young teenagers over-indulged in fully-matured cheddar, not of course forgetting the effect of that infamous over-ripe Edam on the festival goers at Woodstock.
Therefore, it is only prudent to make sure that every village hall orgy-goer is fully conversant with the What to Do In Case Of Cheese safety notices pinned just above the dildo rail at the rear of the orgy room.