Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Dreaded Itchy Knee Problem

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When one has the sex spatulas poised over the postmistress, it is – perhaps – not the best time for the sudden onset of the dreaded itchy knee. However, I’m sure it is a problem with which we all gathered here are more than familiar. Itchy knee has been the most troubling of the debilitating orgiastical difficulties that the scientists at the Little Frigging University Advanced Applied Orgiastics laboratory have been studying.

Of course, theoreticians of Advanced Orgiastics have been studying the dreaded itchy knee problem for many centuries without coming to any firm (or even upstanding) explanations for why it always tends to happen at the most crucial moments such as in the position described above, or when one is applying the final coat of unguents to an assistant librarian.

Up until fairly recently, though, it is a problem that has had to remain at the level of abstraction and theory without any possibility of a practical resolution. Now, however, with today’s advanced computing power it is possible to accurately model within a computer a typical village hall orgy in the detail necessary for cases of itchy knee to arise spontaneously within the simulation. This does away with many of the problems associated with trying to recreate artificially the conditions necessary for the onset of itchy knee, say in a laboratory orgy. For in the laboratory orgy, not only are their fetish-related artefacts such as the white laboratory coats which can have a distorting effect on the results, but there are also the problem of retorts getting in the way and the concomitant danger of getting the hairy bits slightly too close to the Bunsen burners. All of which can introduce far more variables into the equations than are strictly necessary, especially when trying to accurately model the behaviour of a brace of library assistants sharing a bowl of trifle and a volunteer fireman.

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