Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Perversion And Accountancy


Be-marmaladed and naked as you may be, it doesn’t alter the fact that your tax return will soon be due. Thenceforth you must declare any surplus year-end un-mollified badgers and semi-intrigued chickens on or about your person at the standard rate of 17.23478% or suffer a fine of up to 34.8% of the total cash value of this year’s South Herefordshire carrot harvest.

Straightforward enough, you must agree. But surprisingly enough there are those who find even such straightforward calculations beyond them, and some – unlikely as it must sound – who know very few national and EU tax and accounting directives off by heart.

Therefore, it is for such people that a completely new branch of accountancy has grown up over recent years to deal especially with accountancy and tax laws as they relate to the perverted arts and practices.

However, for those proficient in self-assessment, and there can’t be that many upstanding deviants who haven’t engaged in a little self-assessment now and then – if only to while away an hour or two between village hall orgies – then there is little new or novel in this year’s self-assessment form. That is, except – of course – for the requirement of a full frontal naked photograph of you and a consenting stoat engaged in an intimate act utilizing a packet of pork scratchings and a member of the clergy (fully-buttered, of course).

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