Friday, November 27, 2009

Annual Bondage Arrangement Competition Rehearsals

So there we are then. Which is – I suppose – a good thing. For if we were over there (by way of example) then I would have much more difficulty fastening the weasel restraint harness about your person, especially if you were as liberally coated with vinaigrette dressing as you are now.

Still, your suitably-restrained nudity does give me a chance to make sure the flower arrangement is symmetrical, because if this were the actual Bondage Arrangement Competition, rather than just our practice session, then I am sure we would lose points for the droopiness of our delphiniums.

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Although, we did manage to achieve third place last year. Grand Old Uncle Stagnant was in second place with his Cake Shop Manageress (Our own Fanny Knickerless, of course) lashed to the mast of a schooner with hand-woven daisy chains and coated with a very tasty home-made custard from his own secret recipe.

The, to my mind, well-deserved first place entry was our Village Doctor, Minnie Strayshuns, and her Nurse, Pam Purring, with Strom Thighhammer bound tightly, and seasoned with sage and onion, to a Norwegian dental hygienist wearing the full traditional costume of a professional stoat-rebuker, whilst Strom was singing a comprehensive selection from the Val Doonican songbook in Flemish.

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