Monday, November 2, 2009

The Righteous Order Of Marmoset Basters

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Disportment Farrago is the first - ever - Great High Lord Ladleholder of the Righteous Order Of Marmoset Basters to become known to the general public. This secret society, so secret that its members do not even know they have joined until they receive their first subscription demand, is one of the most ancient in the world. Scholars have confidently dated the origins of the order as far back as before the Rolling Stones first LP. Some even say that there is archaeological evidence of marmoset basting rituals in the area around Stonehenge in Wiltshire, which – controversially - makes the order even older than Mick Jagger himself.

However, recently there have been some scandals - both made up and wildly exaggerated – in the more lurid tabloids ever-eager to halt their declining readerships that have linked the Marmoset Basters to certain corrupt practices in the police, the House off Commons, Hot Gladys’s House of Sensual Pleasure and Massage in Westminster and the North Willenhall Garden Centre.

The newspaper reports all claim that Marmoset Basters, exposed by their use of the secret earlobe manipulations by which the Basters’ identify themselves to each other were given preferential treatment, freebies and false expense claims by several businesses, services and the various forces of the state for everything from kinky sexual services, through opera tickets right down to a tray of lupin seedlings.

However, as several large gentlemen – all with strangely elongated earlobes – have pointed out to The Little Frigging Daily Gleaner, all of these allegations are totally without foundation, and have generously offered me a fortnight’s all-expenses paid holiday on a Mediterranean yacht belonging to one of these kind gentlemen. Consequently, we have decided that there is very little point continuing with this article any furthe….

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