Put your underwired ferret recalibration device to one side for a moment while I adjust the restraining straps on your fetish unicycle, for today is the first day after the day before Holy Tax-Inspector Immersion Day, the day everyone in the entire village of Little Frigging sallies forth* to attempt to catch the year’s first fully underwired ferret. Of course, in order to set each and every underwired ferret in the environs of Little Frigging back to GMT, it is necessary for everyone in the village to play their part, even if it is only offering a light massage with hand relief followed by tea and fresh cream cakes to the underwired ferret recalibraters.
[Underwired ferrets Being Expertly Recalibrated]
As is traditional it will be Old Feebletrousers who will lead the first wave of recalibrationists. As tradition also dictates, this will be towards the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage, where we recalibrationists will – as tradition dictates – ensconce ourselves until the publican, Strim Goosefondler, believes we can no longer each stand unassisted, and therefore ejects us out into the streets of Little Frigging once more whereupon the great chase will commence!
Well, it will recommence as soon as one of can remember with any real clarity what it is we are supposedly chasing.
*or sallies fifth, if Sally is – as usual – willing to be so accommodating.