Thursday, November 12, 2009

University of Little Frigging Health & Safety Standards Upheld


There is a place just slightly to the left of the badger-diversity awareness sheds where we keep the spanners we use for adjusting the lug nuts on the left under-flange of the perversion safety-harnesses used by the first year students at the University of Little Frigging, for their Introduction To The Perverse Arts And Sciences Course.

Of course, the upcoming Christmas break is the ideal time to check that all such teaching, safety and other such aids and devices are up to standard. It is also vital to make sure there is plenty left in the University budget after all the repairs and replacements to provide a decent Christmas piss-up for all members of staff down in the snug of The Pervert’s Appendage.

Of course, we do take the safety and well-being of our students very seriously here at TULF, as we have discovered injured - or even dead students - do tend not to keep up with the payment of their fees. Furthermore, bribing the editor of the Little Frigging Gleaner, Foaming Lickspittle, to not publish any articles suggesting we have anything lax or half-arsed in our health and safety regime does tend to prove slightly more expensive than we’d ideally prefer. Therefore, on the whole, safety inspections and so forth are not quite as costly as they would initially seem. After all, the primary purpose of any educational establishment is to make a clear profit and to produce alumni that will achieve a certain rank in society that will almost force them to make charitable (and – of course - tax-deductible) bequests to their seat of learning.

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