Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Cold Weather Fetishes

How many of you (both) gathered here this crisply-frosted winter morning have remembered to don your cold-weather fetish gear?

I thought so.


I cold tell by the icicles forming on your erotic lotions and unguent utility belts and that fine coating of frosting on your sex spatulas that none of you have thought about the changing of the seasons. In particular, how it relates to the form your fetishes take, as well as which perversions are more applicable on colder days and the darker, longer, nights.

Of course, any adept at rural perversions will – naturally – know that animal ‘husbandry’ is best kept for the spring months when a young ewe’s thoughts turn to romance, and there is a sparkle in the eye of all the young badgers.

The winter is the time of the year when it is better not to consider disporting yourself and your cake shop manageress out-of-doors in frank and full-frontal nudity, unless, of course, you are both well-seasoned (and lightly-oiled with a low temperature erotic unguent) cold-weather perverts. A handy hint: a scarf is always a useful accessory on the coldest of winter days, and – for the man – a magnifying glass, and a pair of warm mittens for the lady is often advisable.

Please note: we have discovered that our wallaby grouting implements, spatulas and racquets have slipped out of true due to the excessive coldness of the season. Therefore – quite obviously - we will have to make haste to get them fully recalibrated ready for the start of the Christmas orgy season. This, of course, means that there will (un)fortunately be less frequent than normal* postings here until the beginning of the New Year. However, the remainder of my organ remains freely available for your perusal.


*No, I have no idea what that means either

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