Monday, December 14, 2009

The Facts of Life

Here we are then, isn't this cosy? There's not much on today, so pull up a lawyer and take a seat. It is time for us to talk seriously again. This time, about The Facts of Life, or, at least, some of the more interesting and wilder speculations about it.

Contrary to what every schoolchild knows, facts are not dull, and learning is not a tedious chore. It is just the job of schools to make it seem that way.

Anyway, where were we?

Oh, right. Really?

Well, if you would just move your left elbow a few degrees widdershins, and apply a tad more lotion to the underside of the llama, we can carry on with our discussion.


Anyway, the Facts of Life.

  1. Being rude is a lot of fun. It can -as you should know - be fun on your own, but it can be a lot of fun with a friend, or even - in more advanced cases - several friends.
  2. It doesn't really matter what kind of rudeness it is, just as long as you, you both, all of you, the entire Post Office queue, everyone in the village, or whatever are happy about it, or - at least - curious enough about it to give it a go, if only this once and to be polite.
  3. The genitals of whom you do it with - apart from yourself, obviously - whether they are complimentary, matching, a mixture of both, or even of little more than novelty value, is purely a matter for yourselves alone.
  4. What you do, and whom you do it with, providing everyone involved freely consents, is nobody else's business - at all.
  5. That's it. That's all you need to know.
  6. Now all you have to do is go out and do it.
  7. Good-night.
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