Friday, December 11, 2009

Modern Orgy Etiquette

Back in the old days, I wouldn’t show you my collection of electro-weasel spanners until we had been formally introduced. Consequently, it would have been exceedingly bad form for any act of utmost intimacy to take place between us. Until after such formalities had taken place, I would prefer not to have your sexual arousal spatulas placed so close to my semi-grouted wallabies.

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Therefore, it would probably have been best for us to both step out of the bath full of custard and get dressed again. We would then pass the time, and therefore avoid too much social awkwardness, making desultory small talk up until a mutual acquaintance introduced us to each other in a socially recognised manner. We could then return to the bath of custard and take up our stances once again as you began to manipulate you spatulas.

Normally, of course, in a better run orgy situation in those times, one would spend time getting to know the new faces, and other bodily parts too, of course. It goes without saying, also, that one would also go about renewing acquaintances made on previous occasions.

These, modern, more informal orgies, however, do have other attributes that go some way towards making up for their lack of the more formal social graces. For example, the unusually rather well-lubricated llamas, and the plentiful supply of sandwiches and chocolate éclairs are a case in point. In these more relaxed times, too, there is little awkwardness when one finds one has been indulging in sordid practices with fellow attendees who are – through no fault of their own – not quite of one’s own class.

That is not to say that I am in any way a snob. Far from it, I delight in exchanging bodily fluids with people from all walks of life, providing – of course – they do know the correct way to butter a weasel. Informality is in general a good thing, but we must not lose sight of what matters. Just because an orgy sometimes inevitably transgresses the norms of social intercourse, we should not - for one moment - allow these matters of extreme moistness to overrule our good manners.

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