Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Eve Orgy

The approach of the New Year is always a time of great excitement in the village as everyone looks forward to the traditional New Year's Eve orgy in the village hall. With so many of the old rural traditions fading away into the mists of the past, it is vital that we do keep up as many of these old customs as we can. Although, it is quite interesting to see that the quaint old customs that many people, these days, seem keen on preserving are the ones that seem to mostly include rubbing bits of yourself up against the more interesting bits of fellow villagers, especially if it involves exotic lotions, unguents and - on occasion - devices of a buzzy and throbby nature.

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Of course, the ladies of the village have been working hard over the last few days to prepare the village hall for the orgy, taking special care to wax the floor properly. A splinter in the knee at a vital point in your orgiastic manoeuvrings is not something to be recommended.

Although, it can go too far the other way.

Everyone remembers New Year's Eve three years ago, when the floor was a bit too highly polished. A slightly too vigorous thrust by Strim Goosefondler, our local publican, ended up propelling both him and Mrs Minge Peccadillo, of Ye Olde Antique Shoppe, across the highly-polished hall floor, out through the side fire exit and deep into a three foot-high snow drift. Although, as Minge Peccadillo did point out later, it does show the advantage of rubber fetish gear, in that all she had to do was wipe herself down with a cloth while poor old Strim suffered a severe icicleing of the scrotum.

It seems however, from my informal research, what most of our villagers enjoy about the New Year's Eve orgy - apart from the sherry and home-made mince pies afterwards, of course - is in the way having an orgy makes the traditional hand-holding as the midnight hour approaches into a far more interesting experience. For, at an orgy, one is never quite sure what is about to be thrust into one's hand as the seconds tick down to zero. I have it on very good authority that many deep and long lasting friendships have been made in just those special few seconds.

So, despite the sore knees, aching backs and stiff necks - and, on occasion, the red faces when meeting certain other villagers - that almost inevitably follow for the first few days of the new year, most - if not all - of the villagers would say that the traditional New Year's Eve Orgy is one - if not the one - English rural tradition they are eager to keep going into the new decade.

I - for one - agree.

 

All I can now say is HAPPY NEW YEAR to my reader (and her friend) and hope to see you (both) back here bright and early on Monday morning.

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