Of course, here in Little Frigging we take a quiet pride in our mastery of rural perversions. Not for us the – to our eyes – rather bland and pseudo-sophistication of the urban perversions, where dressing up as a Traffic Warden (with a mango) is seen as rather blasé, even no longer a perversion in any real sense.
No, out here, in what a superficial view would regard as less sophisticated areas, the use of the traffic warden fetish still has some deeper meaning, something that goes beyond mere dressing-up as an optional extra to spice up an otherwise jaded sex life.
In fact, out here away from that so-called (and self-deluding) ‘urban sophistication’ we believe that we are more in touch with the true folk roots of sexual perversion. After all, you must remember, it is rural areas where sheep (probably the oldest perversion) are usually found. In addition, you must remember too that Morris Dancing – probably even as ancient a perversion as sheep ‘husbandry’– is still practiced in many rural areas. It is sometimes forgotten too, by glib urban sophisticates that immersing a naked tax inspector in a bath of lukewarm custard is in fact a perversion that pre-dates the Enclosures Act of 1771 by several hundred years, and lightly buttering a dairymaid was first recorded in the Domesday Book.