Friday, January 22, 2010

Advanced Sexual Perversions – Lesson 3

Well, here we are now.

Isn’t this… well… this?

If I am not very much mistaken I can see from the way you have adopted the - rather provocative – stance of a loss-adjustor about to place a half-empty goldfish bowl seventeen-and-a-half inches away from a plate of freshly buttered scones, that you may be ready to move onto the next lesson in your Advanced Perversion course.


Now, if you could just equip yourself with a weasel – lightly-buttered, of course - from the woodland mammal sack over near the halfway line of the perversion pitch, and take the time to select something in your size from the excellent range of fetish gear on the sex utensil racks near the boundary line, then I feel we could begin*.

Of course, by their very nature Advanced Perversions are a great deal more demanding than ordinary perversions, and tend to leave you with a bad back or a severe case of Itchy Knee if you do not do the warm up exercises first. Therefore, if you would like to take your librarian by the hand and lead him, or her, over to the fresh cream trifle ensmearment tables, then we can begin the warm up exercises. Always, remember though, to take yourself in hand well before applying ANY fresh cream trifle to the erogenous zones of the librarian, no matter how aroused it seems to make the quantity surveyor on your immediate left.

Then, if you will join me – with your freshly-opened jar of marmite - over at the billiard table we can begin to chant the donkey-beguilement mantra together.


*Or even, begin to feel.

[Advanced Sexual Perversions – Lesson 1]

[Advanced Sexual Perversions – Lesson 2]

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