Thursday, January 28, 2010

Grand Old Uncle Stagnant Has Taken Himself In Hand

Some goodbadmediocrepale yellow… er… news!

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Apparently, Grand Uncle Stagnant has had to give up his – all too brief – stewardship of this… this… whatever it is, and I have – reluctantly been bribed… persuaded to take back the helm, at least for the time being.

It seems that Grand Old Uncle Stagnant has taken himself in hand and managed to find himself a part-time job. This will be encouraging news for our dairy maids as they will be able to go about the milking of our cows without the ever-present danger of Grand Old Uncle Stagnant presenting certain parts of himself to the dairy maids as a form of hands-on training for them.

As with many DIY emporia throughout this noble land, Little Frigging’s Self-Fettling Store has instigated a policy of employing older workers in its store, many of whom are experts in several forms of DIY.

As you probably know, Grand Uncle Stagnant is himself a world–renowned expert on the art of tongue and groove, as many ladies who have had intimate experience of his technique will no doubt attest. Not only that, if any ladies of the village need to go into the shop in search of, say, a long screw, a good hammering, or even in search of some hands-on experience with a power tool, then Grand Uncle Stagnant will – from now on - do his utmost to help those ladies achieve full satisfaction from their intercourse with him.

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