Friday, January 15, 2010

A Lecture In The Little Frigging Village Hall


Ah, but list and hark upon the helicopters of our desire as they throb across the unclouded skies of all our innermost dreams of advanced semi-lubricated moist doings. Now is the time that is the time for… er… hang on, I seem to have mislaid my notes. I put them down for a moment whilst I had to adjust my chicken-intriguing harness and I seem to have… er… I’m sure….

Well, if you just fondle amongst yourselves for a moment we will move on to the next item on the agenda… which is… which is….


Next, our local librarian, Miss Lesley Mufflapper, will – with the aid of her assistant, Miss Margie Mingefinger, give a demonstration on that very vexing subject, namely The Best Way To Butter An Assistant Librarian. Which - I’m sure you will all agree – something that we will all, no doubt, have to contend with in the upcoming post-Christmas season of village hall orgies.

So, without further ado, I present our local village librarian, Lesley Mufflapper, and her assistant, Margie Mingefinger.

Thank you.

Oh, Miss Mufflapper and Miss Mingefinger would like me top point out that they have, between them, produced an instructional DVD covering the subject of today’s lecture in much greater detail than the lecture itself can, including many slow motion extreme close-ups of some of the more intriguing butterable areas of a firm and nubile assistant librarian. The DVD will be available on sale at the kiosk near the entrance to the village hall once the lecture is over, and will, of course, also be available from the Little Frigging library from tomorrow.

So, without further ado, please give a warm hand (but only if they specifically request it) to Miss Mufflapper and Miss Mingefinger.

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