Friday, January 8, 2010

Spatula Initiation

Slap me with an undertaking and call me Sigmund, isn't that a bit too hairy? I know you prefer these things to be 'natural', but isn't that taking it a smidgeon too far?


Now, you may be wondering what this is all about. The important thing is not to worry about that. It is a perfectly natural, and normal, thing to worry about, especially at your age.

Anyway, here we are standing together at this, no doubt, highly significant and very important - if somewhat hairier than we'd really expected - point in your life. The important thing for you to remember is to keep a firm grasp on the marmalade jar, and don't agitate the spatula in quite so carefree a manner.

There is no need to look back; your clothes are quite safe in that pile on top of mine.

Just prepare yourself. Do not think too much about the bath full of chilled custard. Remove it from your mind. Concentrate on becoming one with your spatula. Feel the power of the spatula. Feel the force of the marmalade.

Soon, very soon, you will become a full Knight of the Spatula. Soon you will become one - if a rather unusually hairy one - with the cosmos and you will be Master of every chip shop you thenceforth enter throughout the entire universe.

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