Thursday, February 18, 2010

A Contemplative Moment

Anyway, here we are contemplating some of the more esoteric notions of the perverse it has been my fortune to come acro… er… examine in great detail. This is the first time I have ever seen sex spatulas used in such a manner on an assistant pharmacist before, well… not on a Tuesday, anyway, especially as today is Thursday.


It is not all that unusual for those of a more traditionalist bent to look upon such innovations askance and to loudly enquire upon what the world is coming to. However, I for one feel (and I apologise for the coldness of my hands) that innovation is in many ways the essence of perversion.

After all, if I may wax philosophical* for a moment, And for such an encounter to be regarded as perverse, it must deviate from the accepted norm** in some manner, such as fully immersing the assistant librarian in the lukewarm custard, or finding a politician even vaguely sexually attractive.

However, when such dalliances become commonplace, then they must – by definition – no longer be regarded as perverse. For there was once a time – hard to credit it nowadays, of course, when even buttering a social worker was regarded as beyond the pale, but where would any run-of-the-mill suburban swingers’ party be these days without such a commonplace activity?

Therefore, is it not the application of the watermelon to the quantity surveyor that turns a run-of-the-mill erotic encounter into a full-blown*** perversion?

Answers on the back of a lightly-moistened and loosely bound clerical assistant to the usual address.

*Please note I did NOT write wax a philosopher, such an advance perversion should not be even contemplated, let alone attempted by anyone who is not at least a well-seasoned (and lightly-oiled) pervert of many years standing, especially if the philosopher is a logical-positivist, of course.

**But not this Norm.

***If you are very lucky.

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