Once upon a time, there was a shoe mender, and his wife, who lived in a small kingdom just off the A461. They had thirteen children - mainly because no-one had, as yet, had the foresight to invent either contraception or television. All their children: six boys, six girls, and one yet to be announced - all grew up to be shoe menders too, which makes this story a load of cobblers.
I hope you take on board the moral of this story above, and apply the lesson learnt to your own lives, especially if you are fortunate enough to have a shoe fetish, or just an unhealthy interest in those who deal exclusively with footwear in their daily working lives.
Still, I suppose, it could be worse, but precisely how, I'm not quite sure.
Anyway, time to move on and get the marmosets buttered, ready to take down to the village pub, The Pervert's Appendage, ready for this evening's inter-pub challenge. Tonight, it is - of course - the All-Nude Buttered Marmoset Restraining match semi-finals against the team from The Fox and Quantity Surveyor in Upper Lower Spadgecock (last year's champions). This year we have done quite well, getting through to the Upper Thyghspreader All-County quarterfinals. This is mainly thanks to a marvellously executed buttered-marmoset grapple by Miss Labia Entanglements (our Post Mistress) in the dying seconds of extra time in the sixth round play offs against the team from Morningwood-in-the-LowerBack's The Catamite In The Bush pub team.