But hold… and squeeze gently, Maureen.
It is time for the annual string assortment audit in the Little Frigging village hall. It is one of the high spots of the rural year, when the whole village and many from the surrounding environs gather together on an February evening to show the enthralled multitudes congregated there their own string collections and - in turn – to stand in rapt admiration as others reveal their own string collections to them.
Usually, not only does this feature on the front page of the LFITW Gleaner, but these days the editor, Foaming Lickspittle himself, has decided such a momentous local event should have its own pull-out and keep souvenir special. For fascinating and informative articles on this most splendid hobby can – at least - easily fill half a dozen pages. Although, hobby is a word that doesn’t quite do it justice. For those bitten by the bug of string collecting – and let’s be honest here – who wouldn’t be – it is more of an obsession.
String is such a fascinating thing in itself, but once you begin to see – and understand – the many different varieties, types, sorts and even lengths that string can come in, from the smooth, shiny, almost silk-like to the big thick rough and hairy that is almost a rope in everything but name. In addition, with all the infinite varieties between, it is no wonder that string collection can almost become an addiction.