So far, so good then. Luckily, so far this year we have avoided most of the farming crises of the last few years. As you probably know, free-range hairstylists and lawyers do not – as a rule - catch foot and mouth disease. However, a few cases of hairdressers coming down with bluetongue are on the record, but this was more to do with accidents with some of the more extreme colours of hair dye.
However, both lawyers and hairstylists can come down with severe cases of inane drivel, a disease that makes the infected animal witter on and on until they keel over and die, almost literally talking themselves to death, that is unless someone else hasn’t already killed them first, being no longer able to put up with the constant chatter any longer.
I can tell you, it is not a pretty sight to see a normally robust and healthy hairstylist falling to the ground wittering on about holidays and boyfriend troubles at an almost manic rate until she is too exhausted to even form the words coherently (or as coherent as hairstylists ever get) until she succumbs to exhaustion and then, eventually, death.
The great fear for any breeder of farm-assured lawyers is - of course - that they become infected with politics, and have to be slaughtered on the spot to prevent the spread of the disease. Or – if it is tragically too late for such preventative measures – the farmer can only hope one of the political parties will take them away to be kept apart from members of the general public in quarantined conditions in local council chambers. Alternatively, in the case of the more virulent strains of the disease, the unfortunates must be kept quarantined in the Houses of Parliament until their danger to the public has passed.