Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Historical Bent

Those of you of a historical bent will no doubt be aware that these days you can get an ointment for it, and – possibly - not only that you will no doubt be familiar with the name of Lady Godiva of Coventry. However, you may not be aware of the name of a similar historical figure from the annals of the history of Little Frigging In The Wold that we have just made up in order to attract more tourist and their money that recent research in the History Department (formerly the chicken shed) at the University of Little Frigging has uncovered.

clip_image002

Here we speak of the - up until now – little-known Lady Muffdiva of Little Frigging, who, back in the Middle-Ages, flew into a strop one day on hearing that her husband, Lord Haliberd D’friggere was considering not taxing the peasants that year. This was because - as contemporary records state - a delegation of dairy maids had called on him in order to show him ‘ye fulle statees of theyr destitutionnes and want of undergarmentry in order to preserve theyr maidenly modeste.’

On hearing that her husband intended to overlook that year’s taxes Lady Muffdiva was incensed, especially since she heard that her husband’s private and confidential audience with the dairy maids had lasted for nearly a whole week and had used over three pounds of fresh butter and the erotic use of a ladle. She found it almost intolerable that mere peasants should be allowed to keep their own money, and to use it to buy themselves clothes, when she had barely enough dresses and – indeed – undergarments to enable her to have a complete change of clothes every 3 hours, or every 2 hours if in attendance at court.

However, as her husband pointed out, as a Lady Of The Queen’s Bedchamber, she did not have to wear all that many clothes when at court attending to the queen’s particular demands. Here the historical record gets a little sketchy when detailing those particular queenly demands, as the recording monk’s lettering becomes increasingly indecipherable, but most historians agree that Lord Haliberd D’friggere suggested that the only things his wife needed to wear on such occasions was the handle-end of a broken lance and some exotic oil in order to perform the particular duties that the Queen demanded of her.

Incensed by her husband’s callous, and - possibly - traitorous, remarks, Lady Muffdiva strode out of the castle and, after a hand-up from her personal maid, mounted her filly and rode off away from Little Frigging Castle in her haste to get back to her beloved Queen.

Unfortunately however, her ladyship had caught her wimple on a lose nail in the stables, which meant that as she rode from the castle her clothing unravelled until – as she road through Little Frigging she was completely naked, much to the satisfaction of the peasants in the village who all cheered her on her way with many helpful suggestions, with quite a few explicit gestures, as to how she could serve the queen better.

Thus was a legend made up… born.

Post a Comment