Now that we have our postmistress aligned with the assistant librarian and the semi-lubricated under-gardener has been shackled to the blade of the windmill in readiness, I think it is time to release the leather thong-clad bargain-seekers into the village car park where the stalls are set out waiting for their custom.
Yes, once again it is time for Little Frigging annual Fumble Sale in Aid of the Village Orgy Hall Restoration Fund*. So once the crowd of semi-naked and be-fetish-geared punters begins to have themselves a jolly good fumble around with the goods available for sale, and – quite often – with each other too, I will take the chance to point out some of the more interesting stalls and the items they have on sale.
The home-made unguents and lubricants stall have a special offer on the always very useful Badger Spleen oil, and a three-for-the-price-of-two offer on Grand Uncle Stagnant’ famous Home-Made Vinaigrette Librarian-Lubricating Oil, ideal for those of you wishing to slip yourself easily between her volumes.
The Dairymaid’s demonstration stall is – as usual - very popular with gentlemen visitors to the Fumble sale, where the Little Frigging dairy maids demonstrate the finger-technique and wrist action that makes them able to fill a pail with creamy goodness in less than five minutes whenever enough dairy men put themselves into the hands of the dairy maids.
It goes without saying that the ladies from the cake shop will have their baps out on display for the delectation of anyone wishing to peruse them, as well as offering to lick into shape any gentleman’s cream horn should he feel that it is about to lose its cream in response to their adept ministrations.
Then there is - always popular with the ladies – the Feel The Size Of The Fireman’s Hose stall with Strom Thighhammer is as usual at the end of the row of stalls, where it can take advantage of the extra space available for Strom to make the most of himself.
*Those of you wishing to donate to this very good cause can easily do so in the sidebar.