Friday, March 5, 2010

Post-Village Orgy Reordering And Restoration

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Earlier this evening it was a stirring sight to see the librarian and her assistant carrying the pineapple and the handcuffs across the floor of the village hall, watching them both carefully stepping over those already writhing on the floor in the Ladies’ Excuse Me. When they finally met up with Strom Thighhammer, waiting oiled and poised, on the stage near to the potted aspidistra left over from last season’s production of When A Government Perversion Inspector Calls they then instigated one of the most profoundly uplifting versions of the Pineapple Inquiry I have ever seen performed on a man of Thighhammer’s impressive standing. I must say it brought tears to my eyes too, and I was only there in my capacity as invigilator.

Luckily, I remembered to stop the clock as the ladies took a step back to admire their handiwork, and – of course – to allow Strom to achieve his full potential. Fortuitously, I’d already opened the skylight, so there was no repeat of last year’s unfortunate incident where Strom accidentally knocked the police helicopter out of the sky and it ended up in the duck pond.

Although the police did want to bring charges of the undue moistening of a police officer going about his business, the Crown Court judge immediately dropped the case as soon as he glimpsed the strength of Strom’s alibi.

So now we have put the sex spatulas and the fetish tongs back in the sex utensil drawer and hung up all the dildos on the dildo rail, and the postmistress and the assistant librarian are sweeping up the cake crumbs from the village hall floor. All that remains is for someone to don the rubber gloves and apron to help Old Feebletrousers from the tupping harness over by the ladies cloakroom and then we can turn the lights out on one more successful village orgy.

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